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Vol. 1No. 1A higher standard for fantasy footballWeek 1Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Front page

Nobody deserved to win this

Mac Attack beats Wieners Out LLC by 3.46 with a score that would have lost to nine of the league's other ten teams.

Mac Attack 94.82 def. Wieners Out LLC 91.36 · by 3.46

By the SmackWire Editorial Board

Mac Attack is 1–0. The standings will say so all season, and the standings, luckily for Mac Attack, do not come with a box score.

Final: Mac Attack 94.82, Wieners Out LLC 91.36. Put that 94.82 against any other team in the league this week and it loses nine times out of ten. The only team it beats is Drivers Ed with Rashee Rice, which scored 75.14 and is covered elsewhere in this issue, with sympathy.

So how does a score like that win? Mostly Ashton Jeanty. Jeanty scored 32.7, more than a third of the team's total. The other eight starters combined for 62.12, a group effort that featured Colston Loveland at tight end (0.0), Kenny Gainwell at flex (2.8) and Terry McLaurin at receiver (3.4). Drake Maye started at quarterback and scored 9.82 while Brock Purdy scored 21.1 on the bench, because apparently the lineup needed a degree of difficulty.

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Ashton Jeanty

Scored 32.7 for Mac Attack, more than a third of its total

Jaylen WaddleAlso involved

Also in this issue

Bench Blunders

The league benched 759.82 points in Week 1

Twelve teams, 242.92 points of fixable mistakes, four wrong quarterbacks, and the three worst offenders all won.

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Trevor Lawrence

Scored 26.1 on the Drivers Ed with Rashee Rice bench

By the numbers

Week 1 by the numbers

Negative quarterbacks, zero-point tight ends, and the other statistics nobody asked for.

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Josh Allen

Week 2

Week 2: the full slate

Six games, previewed using only the facts, which is somehow worse for everyone.

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Final scores

Mac Attack94.82
Wieners Out LLC91.36
My Nek, My Dak138.02
$$$ Mike D's Money Team $$$117.46
Remdawg and malika131.5
Griffin's Great Team111.16
Kendall’s Tears, Jesse’s Fears120.86
Jules Touchdown Service106.86
David's Daring Team136.42
Primandproper116.2
JF's Team131.64
Drivers Ed with Rashee Rice75.14

Power rankings

1
My Nek, My Dak (1–0)
Most points in the league. Zero Daks. Still started a 0.0 defense.
2
David's Daring Team (1–0)
Second in points with two starters below zero. Unsettling in both directions.
3
JF's Team (1–0)
Won by 56.5 against the one team everybody would have beaten.
4
Remdawg and malika (1–0)
Gibbs and Watson scored 66.3. The rest of the lineup mostly attended.
5
Kendall’s Tears, Jesse’s Fears (1–0)
Six running backs, started the wrong two, won anyway. Learned nothing.
6
Mac Attack (1–0)
1–0 with a score that loses to nine teams. Asterisk pending.
7
$$$ Mike D's Money Team $$$ (0–1)
Four quarterbacks rostered. Still only allowed to start one.
8
Primandproper (0–1)
Best defense in the league. Worst kicker in the league. Net result: a loss.
9
Griffin's Great Team (0–1)
Best player in the league. A -4.0 defense. A 20.34-point loss.
10
Jules Touchdown Service (0–1)
The league's only perfect lineup, plus five bench players at 0.0. Perfect isn't enough with these parts.
11
Wieners Out LLC (0–1)
Jaylen Waddle: 1.2. That's the note.
12
Drivers Ed with Rashee Rice (0–1)
Lowest score in the league. No Rashee Rice. False advertising, twice.

Standings

Team	W-L	PF
My Nek, My Dak	1-0	138.02
David's Daring Team	1-0	136.42
JF's Team	1-0	131.64
Remdawg and malika	1-0	131.5
Kendall’s Tears, Jesse’s Fears	1-0	120.86
Mac Attack	1-0	94.82
$$$ Mike D's Money Team $$$	0-1	117.46
Primandproper	0-1	116.2
Griffin's Great Team	0-1	111.16
Jules Touchdown Service	0-1	106.86
Wieners Out LLC	0-1	91.36
Drivers Ed with Rashee Rice	0-1	75.14

Every matchup, covered

Dud Watch

The Denver special: two Broncos, 3.2 points

Mac Attack 94.82 def. Wieners Out LLC 91.36

Wieners Out LLC started Jaylen Waddle and the Broncos defense. Together they scored 3.2. The game was lost by 3.46.

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Zay Flowers

Scored 26.0 for Wieners Out LLC

Identity Crisis

My Nek, My Dak scores 138.02 without a single Dak

My Nek, My Dak 138.02 def. $$$ Mike D's Money Team $$$ 117.46

The league's highest score comes from a team named after a quarterback it doesn't have. Rostering him would have made it worse.

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Jalen Hurts

Scored 24.72 for My Nek, My Dak

Cruel Arithmetic

The week's best individual score belongs to a loser

Remdawg and malika 131.5 def. Griffin's Great Team 111.16

Caleb Williams scores 37.26, the most of any starter in the league. Griffin's Great Team loses by 20.34, because the rest of the lineup attended in spirit.

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Caleb Williams

Roster Construction

Kendall’s Tears, Jesse’s Fears collects running backs and starts the wrong ones

Kendall’s Tears, Jesse’s Fears 120.86 def. Jules Touchdown Service 106.86

Six running backs, 119.4 points between them, 71.5 of those points on the bench, and a 14-point win that should come with an asterisk.

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Malik Nabers

Started for Kendall’s Tears, Jesse’s Fears and scored 12.9

Below Zero

David's Daring Team wins with a quarterback who scored negative points

David's Daring Team 136.42 def. Primandproper 116.2

Kyler Murray finishes at -0.38, the Browns defense at -1.0, and David's Daring Team still posts the second-highest score in the league. Imagine if it had tried.

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Amon-Ra St. Brown

Scored 28.7 for Primandproper

Blowout

JF's Team wins by 56.5 and would like you to ignore who it played

JF's Team 131.64 def. Drivers Ed with Rashee Rice 75.14

The week's biggest win came against the week's lowest score. Drivers Ed with Rashee Rice scored 75.14 and does not have Rashee Rice.

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Jonathan Taylor

Scored 25.1 for JF's Team

Weekly awards

Coaching Malpractice

Jaylen Waddle

Started Jaylen Waddle (1.2) with Jakobi Meyers (12.2) on the bench. Lost by 3.46.

Escape Artist

Ashton Jeanty

Won with 94.82, a score that loses to nine of the league's other ten teams. Took the win, left no forwarding address.

Fraud Watch

JF's Team

Biggest win of the week, against the only team in the league that would have lost to everyone.

Below Zero

Kyler Murray

Started a quarterback (-0.38) and a defense (-1.0) who both finished below zero, then scored 136.42 anyway, which is somehow worse for everyone else.

Coming up

Week 2: Mac Attack vs. JF's Team

Two 1–0 teams, two asterisks. Mac Attack won with a score that loses to nine teams. JF's Team won big against the one team everyone would have beaten. Mac Attack's best possible Week 1 lineup was 132.0, which is 0.36 more than JF's Team actually scored, so Mac Attack will need a perfect lineup just to catch a team that didn't bother setting one.

Put your league in next week’s issue →

Photo credits

Ashton Jeanty: “Ashton Jeanty - 2025 Raiders vs Commanders (cropped)” by All-Pro Reels from District of Columbia, USA, licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
Trevor Lawrence: “Trevor Lawrence SEP2022 (cropped)” by All-Pro Reels from District of Columbia, USA, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
Josh Allen: “Josh Allen SEPT2021 (cropped2)” by All-Pro Reels, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
Zay Flowers: “Zay Flowers JUL2024 (53880447586)” by Maryland GovPics, licensed under CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
Jalen Hurts: “Jalen Hurts WFT @ PHI 2021 (cropped)” by All-Pro Reels, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
Caleb Williams: “Caleb Williams (54858668366) (cropped)” by All-Pro Reels from District of Columbia, USA, licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
Malik Nabers: “Commanders vs. Giants 2025 20” by All-Pro Reels, licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
Amon-Ra St. Brown: “Amon-Ra St. Brown vs. Commanders 2022 (cropped)” by All-Pro Reels from District of Columbia, USA, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
Jonathan Taylor: “Jonathan Taylor Colts OCT2022 (cropped)” by All-Pro Reels, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.